Without further adieu, I present...
My Issues with Disney's Frozen
- Look, Idina, we get it: you can sing. Next time, take a step or two away from the mic because the vocal levels on "Let It Go" are so hot they sound like they're clipping. It starts around 2 minutes and gets worst after the 3 minute mark.
- Her "powers" are too broad. I can get on board with her control over the ice and snow because scientifically, she's just removing all the energy from the air which results in the moisture freezing. What she does with all that energy, they don't say, but I will overlook that as it's a semi-explainable power. How she manipulates the snow and ice into cool shapes, I don't care. When she makes a new outfit for herself and ice skates for her sister out of thin air? Now we're talking about violations of The Law of Conservation of Mass and I ain't havin' that. Not to mention the two snowmen she brought to life. Now she's a goddess? "Wait a minute, if she's a goddess, wouldn't that exempt her from violations of the laws of energy and mass?". I believe it would. Excellent point.
- Neither female lead is very likable. I forget which one is Thelma and which one is Louise, so I call them Icy and Dumb Dumb. Icy is selfish and mean. Dumb Dumb is...well, you know. And both of them have noses that make post-op Michael Jackson look like Karl Maulden. The more I look at them, the more I realize I've seen them somewhere before. Oh yeah:
- "For The First Time In Forever" (Reprise). I wasn't feeling the combination of the 2 songs (1:33 makes me cringe). Plus, when Icy shoots Dumb Dumb in the heart with BLACK DEATH ICE, I was like..."Again? How could you shoot your sister even once, let alone twice??" Answer: she was a horrible sister and probably a horrible daughter. I would not be surprised if her parents purposely sunk their ship just to avoid dealing with her BS.
- And speaking of their parents: they were dicks. Sadly, I've come to expect the father figures in Disney movies to either be doofuses (every movie except Toy Story) or absent completely (Toy Story). But in this one, they were just jerks. *Edit: Since writing this draft last year-ish, Inside Out was released, hopefully signaling a new trend in Disney Pixar animated features.*
- The vibrato machine was turned up way too high. Between Auto-tune and Vibrato-tune®, they could probably grab people off the street and have them bark into a mic, run it through their fancy magic software and voila: Oscar nod. It doesn't even feel like an art form as much as a lab experiment. Not cool.
